Conversations I Wish I Could Have

"Hey, guy that's smoking in front of the public library right when storytime is letting out...you're a dumb ass."

"I know that you come to Costco for the free lunch, but it berating the sample giver-outer that the sample sizes are "too small" is not only greedy, but stupid.  Shut. Up."

"My darling Boo, I love you with all my heart and soul, but if you don't stop whining every time you open your mouth, I *will* sell you on the black market.  Any idea how much I can get for a blonde-haired, blue-eyed kid?"

"Douche-bag that lives 4 houses down...yes, I know you have Harleys.  Yes, I know you are a cop.  That still won't stop me from calling the cops on your ass if you continue to blaze up and down as fast as you can.  Won't you feel crappy if you hit one of my kids?"

"Oh, hai, people on teh interwebz.  Learn how 2 spell. Kthxbai."

"Oh my fucking god...quit driving 10 miles per hour below the speed limit in the FAST LANE!  Oh, and don't give me a dirty look when I pass you on the right either.  If you would abide by the speed limit and the rules of the road, I wouldn't of had to."

Shopping Hell

People that know me know that I'm not the best shopper in the world.  In fact, I shop like a man.  I like to get in, get out, and get it done. <insert dirty joke here>

That being said, I really enjoy grocery shopping--I know where everything is, so it's easy for me to grab what I need with little disruption or stress...unless the grocery shopping involves a trip to Costco.

I made what I hope was to be a "quick trip" but seeing how it was the Saturday before Thanksgiving, I clearly was delusional. Parking lot?  Packed.  Carts?  None to be found (good thing I grabbed one from the parking lot...mama didn't raise no dummy!)  Inside?  Shopping anarchy--people hovering like vultures around the sample stations; shoppers just STOPPING in the middle of the aisles to sit and chat with their neighbors; people going up the down side...AWFUL.

I tried to follow the accepted rules for shopping...I moved my cart out of the way when I needed to stop and look for something; I paid attention to my surroundings so if I DID need to move my cart, I could with a quickness; I attempted to stay to the right side of each aisle...but due to the sheer and utter chaos that was Costco, my attempts were an exercise in futility.

Fortunately, I won't need to return to Costco until well after Thanksgiving.  Did I mention that Costco is across the street from the mall?  And it's almost Christmas?  Oy.

Ouch.

Had a soccer game tonight, so I thought I'd do about 30 minutes of yoga today to loosen up and recharge after today.  At the very end, I'm doing "happy baby" (no, I'm not describing it...JFGI) I feel a slight twinge in my left groin. 

Nothing major--until I hit the field tonight. OMFSM, I made one run and thought, "Hmm, I must have tweaked it a bit more than I thought!"  But, I played, we won (no thanks to me) and I hobbled to my car and drove home. 

Now, that I've been sitting for a couple hours, I can barely stand up. 

Getting old suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.

Sober November...EPIC FAIL!

Oy.  So, the Babe and I, along with Miss Val (one of our fabulous neighbors) decided to have a cheat day yesterday.  Uncle Ryan (Miss Val's brother) didn't want to play, the party pooper, so whatevs.

We started the morning with a mimosa. It was orangey, icy, bubbly deliciousness. We stopped at one.  Babe had a few beers throughout the day, and I took one shot of Tuaca to commemorate the occasion.  Then, Miss Val, Bubba (Miss V's kiddo) came over for pizza and the kids started to play.  Scott and his kids stopped by and we invited them in to play.  Babe and Scott were watching sports, drinking some keg-fresh Coors Light.  Miss V and I were drinking Ginger Skyy and Diet Ginger Ale.

Then, we started on shots.

Miss Sherrie got home from work around 8:15 and she joined in.

We drank more shots.

The night gets a bit fuzzy after that.  Boo ended up sleeping with me--he woke me up at 4:30 when he peed--and Babe ended up on the love seat.

All I have to say is, we killed the big-ass bottle of Tuaca...and I don't think I need any more cheat days.

Hell, I'm never drinking again. :D

Bay Brag

I've talked about Boo a time or two, but not much about Bay, so here's an entire post dedicated to her...

1.  She's talking in sentences!  My mom was watching her yesterday and Bay was sleeping when my  mom left.  15 minutes after she woke up from her nap, she looked around and did the "huh?" shoulder shrug and asked, "Where Baba go?"  Other favorites are, "I lal oo Mama!" ("I love you Mama!" Or Dada or Dacky--which is what she calls Boo)  "Me eat peese!" and "Um here, Mama!  Now!"  Um, I said she was talking I didn't say she was tactful about it.

2.  She's polite!  Her recent addition is, "You melcome," after saying thank you.  Last night, before bed, she took her ketchup-encrusted Elmo plate (gotta have ketchup with chicken nuggets, yo!) and tossed it in the sink.  Awwwww.  Maybe I can train her to unload the dishwasher and pair socks too.

3.  She's empathetic! She gives kisses if you're hurt.  You're usually hurt because she is also biting, but still...  I *did* stub my little toe on the corner of the wall in the kitchen and she asked me, "You otay Mama?" and came over and rubbed my back.  This was, of course,  after I freaked her out by yelling, "MOTHER FUCKER!" at the top of my lungs.  You know, I really should start watching my language around her. (See item number 1.)

4.  She's tall!  She's pushing the envelope on her 24-month and 2T clothes, especially in the arm length, but all the 3T stuff is sooooo big on her.  She's going to be tall and skinny like Babe, that's for sure.  She's comes to Boo's shoulder now, and they're a little over 2 years apart.

Now, I present...the Bay!

Bread+Nutella=Happy Girl!

Yayyyyyyy! Leaves!

Snuggling with Dada.

Friday Night Dance Party

Babe is coaching boys basketball right now, so the kids and I are solo until 5 or 5:30 on practice nights.  Lately, I've been getting Bay from the sitter and then we run to Boo's school to grab him and then we rock out to the Lady Gaga station on Pandora radio. (Yes, Boo lurves Lady Gaga, Shakira, Madonna, Rihanna...anything you can shake your ass too.)

Upon getting home, we continue to rock out and I look over and Boo is busting out the Robot!  Yes, the mother-effing ROBOT, people!!  So, I taught him to do: Stir the Pot, Shopping Cart, and Lawnmover.

Later that evening, in the tub, we had a recreation of the Maniac scene from "Flashdance" with two nekkid booties.

I think next week, we'll break down The Sprinkler.

Diet, Schmiet...

So...as I mentioned in my last post, I've put on some weight.  Nothing major, but I'm about 10 pounds heavier than I'd like to be.  I know that some of this is weight from muscle--I went from pretty much being a slug to playing soccer, swimming, doing yoga, and trying the 100 push-ups challenge in one big swoop.  Babe says my butt is firmer and I can see definition in my legs that disappeared after my ankle fuck-up, so I *guess* that's a good thing (no, I *get* that it's a good thing, I really, really do.  I'm not going to be one of those women who constantly bemoan their bodies looking for affirmation, which isn't to say that I won't welcome a compliment now and again...but I digress.)

Part of my road to losing some of these poundage involves me watching what I'm eating.  I found this site that's been helping me track my exercise and food.  While I'm not really paying attention to my caloric intake, it's interesting to see just how many calories I consume without thinking about it.

I've also realized something about myself: the more I tried to limit what I was eating, the more I thought about food.  I don't know how people on actual diet programs do it.  I'd eat something and then log it, then I'd freak out about how many calories I'd consumed and then I'd worry about how many calories my next meal was going to be, and so on.

Am I going to keep up with the site?  Sure, it's a great way to see what my eating patterns are but am I going to freak out if I exceed the calories "they" think I should have?  Nope. 

On a somewhat unrelated note, a couple Saturdays ago, Boo got a hold of the remote and changed it to a Zumba infomerical.  I come upstairs from doing laundry and he tells me, with the most serious look on his face, "Mom.  You need to get Zumba if you need to lose some pounds."

I about died laughing.

Then I asked him if he thought I was fat. 

I guess I need some affirmation after all. :o)

My Drinking Has a Neighborhood Problem

Thus begins "Sober November"... (or "No Drink November" or even "No Booze November" whatever, it's all the same.)

Apparently, Babe (the husband) used to do this every year, taking a month to clean the body out and to prove to himself that he could take a month without drinking.  We haven't done this the last two years because two years ago, he was taking care of Boo (the Boy) while I was on bed rest and then last  year, we were freaking out because he started grad school and we were still adjusting to life with two kids.  We NEEDED a glass of wine every once in a while. 

So, here we are, we've got the "parent of two" thing down pat, Babe has his grad school, teaching, and coaching responsibilities under control, and I'm trying to lose some pounds.  Good time to take a month off, right?

We do have one exception to the rule, however, and that would be Thanksgiving.  We're traveling to Nebraska with my brother's family, my parents, and my little sister, and I think 10 hours in an RV will warrant some lubrication.  :p 

Our neighbors, part of our posse, are joining us for the festivities...or lack thereof.  It will be interesting to see who, if anyone, cracks first.  Perhaps a bet a la "Master of My Domain" might be order.