Conversations I Wish I Could Have

"Hey, guy that's smoking in front of the public library right when storytime is letting out...you're a dumb ass."

"I know that you come to Costco for the free lunch, but it berating the sample giver-outer that the sample sizes are "too small" is not only greedy, but stupid.  Shut. Up."

"My darling Boo, I love you with all my heart and soul, but if you don't stop whining every time you open your mouth, I *will* sell you on the black market.  Any idea how much I can get for a blonde-haired, blue-eyed kid?"

"Douche-bag that lives 4 houses down...yes, I know you have Harleys.  Yes, I know you are a cop.  That still won't stop me from calling the cops on your ass if you continue to blaze up and down as fast as you can.  Won't you feel crappy if you hit one of my kids?"

"Oh, hai, people on teh interwebz.  Learn how 2 spell. Kthxbai."

"Oh my fucking god...quit driving 10 miles per hour below the speed limit in the FAST LANE!  Oh, and don't give me a dirty look when I pass you on the right either.  If you would abide by the speed limit and the rules of the road, I wouldn't of had to."